I know my daughter is getting older. I'm not totally in denial...not totally. I admit, I still refer to her as "the baby" when I'm talking to the dogs (don't judge me). I say things like "Awww give the baby kisses." or "Don't jump on the baby!" or "Be good, I'll be right back, I just have to pick up the baby."
She started kindergarten this week. Now, it's in the same building as her preschool, but it's still a big change. The preschool, while held in the same building as the elementary school, is run through the district but is not free like the rest of the public school. The preschool has its own separate entrance and the kids didn't attend all day or even every day. When she was 3, she went 2 days a week, 3 hours per day. When she was 4, she went 3 days a week, 3 hours per day. Now, she's in real elementary school, attending 5 full days every week. The first 3 days were half days to help get the kids (and probably the parents) acclimated.
It really hit me this week. She's on this school journey for, at the very least, the next 13 years. Add in college, and this is really a long process that is starting right now. I'm having commitment issues for her. It's just such a long time. She's still my baby and I'm not sure I'm ready for her to go out into the world without me. But life doesn't slow down and wait for me to be ready. We're both jumping in feet first, and I have to admit it's going well. She's ready for this. She is incredibly bright and consciences. She cares about her friends and cares about always following the rules. Her preschool teachers told me she was the kind of kid kindergarten teachers fight over. She loves school and se loves learning. These things make it a little easier for me to let go, but it's still a little crushing.
Given my current status as a recently divorced mom, chances are this is my last baby. And she's not a baby anymore.
