I admit, before I was married, I felt this way too. I couldn't foresee a future where the man I decided to marry would do something so horrendous that I couldn't get past it.
As it turns out I married a man who cheated. A lot. He was an habitual cheater. A serial adulterer. In fact I don't think the man was ever faithful, but I think he and I had different definitions of faithful. To me, you can be unfaithful and not be currently cheating. There's a big difference. Cheating is the actual physical act of adultry. Being unfaithful is everything else that goes along with it. So to me, my ex was maybe not always cheating but he was never faithful. At one point he had a girlfriend, was also sleeping with her sister AND was sleeping with prostitutes he found on Craigslist. As it turns out, the prostitute thing was something he did on a regular basis all along.
I'm writing this all rather nonchalantly now, I've had plenty of time to process it. At the time that all of this came to light? I was horrified. We seperated for some time.... and then I took him back. Looking back it was attitudes like this meme that allowed me to think that staying in a bad marriage was a good idea. Now my ex wasn't just a cheater he was a rotten husband in other ways that I'm not quite ready to delve into here, so when things were bad they were REALLY bad. However on the flip side, when things were good, they seemed really good.
I grew up with a single mother. I wanted my daughter to grow up with both of her parents. I assumed that as my husband aged, he would somehow grow out of the bad behavior and that eventually things would be fine. He swore up and down that he wasn't cheating anymore. He even had an app on his phone that allowed me to track him. Then I went on vacation with the kids and my family. My ex stayed behind. I spoke to him every evening that we were gone. As it turns out, he was sleeping with Craigslist hookers at 3 in the afternoon. When I returned home, I found a paper with the name of a cheap motel and room number written on it. That's when all his lies really started to unravel. I realized that he had never stopped cheating. He had just learned to hide it better. One way that he would get money for the prostitutes without me knowing was to prepay for gas. See he would take a $100 bill and walk into the gas station and use it to prepay for gas. The attendant would give him a receipt for the gas, showing that he had spent the $100. Then he was free to pump whatever amount he wanted and come back for his change. Now he has a receipt accounting for the money to show me and cash in his pocket to spend on girls. Pretty ingenious, right?
It was finally to the point where I had to take a serious look at our situation. This is real life, not Pretty Woman. These aren't nice girls hooking their way through med school. These are likely drug users who were banging his money in their arm the minute he'd leave. His sex addiction was going to kill us both and he refused to get any help. Hell, maybe I'm wrong here and there was no sex addiction. Maybe he was just a horny douchbag. Either way? I couldn't remain married to him.
So yeah, when I see my friends post memes like this, I take it personal. After everything, I still believe in love. I still believe in the institution of marriage. I don't know if either will come my way again, but I'm hopeful. I also know that not every marriage is fixable. Not every problem can be worked out. It takes two people to make a marriage but it only takes one to destroy it. My marriage was not something I could fix myself, no matter how hard I tried.
I know that with him gone, my life is simpler. I'm happier. My kids are happier. I'm a better parent without all the stress brought on by being married to a cheating jerk. Now, if he would just pay a little child support....
No comments:
Post a Comment